I long to be complete

To take a stand and not retreat.

But doing that would step on people's toes

Like the prick of a thorn when picking a rose.

I long to just blend in,

To follow along and have a friend.

But it seems to be that I only stand out,

Like when everyone is quiet and all I can do is SHOUT!

Why is there such conflict within my heart?

Why do I want to be apart

Of something that I can never be?

Because I am different and meant to be free!

Thoughts of hope lost

Appear constantly in my mind.

Thoughts that I am nothing, can feel nothing,

Thoughts that are not kind.

The bitter-sweet tear rolls down my face.

It sooths me and takes me far from this place.

I live in anguish, pain, and strife,

But I dream of a better life.

I feel myself lifting off the ground

Never again to be found.

It was as though you were coming closer for a hug, something sweet and warm,

But instead, you reached into my being and ripped out my heart,

This is where my emotions begin to fall apart.

You held it, my heart, infront of my face to add to my disgrace

And you squeezed it so that as it beat slower and slower,

My body began to feel colder and colder

Until all that was left of my heart was a pulp of muscle and blood.

A blood of crimson that was so pure

With nothing but love and kindness toward you.

But you, you didn't see it that way

And you thought that I was the one who had to pay.

As you turned to leave, my body felt as cold as marble stone.

Those who come for the dead came as quickly as you fled.

A white sheet was placed at the foot of my bed

And as each second passed,

A little more of me was gone.

I could still feel as they ran the sheet over my body.

First my toes, then my legs, stomach, chest, when they reached my neck

They did one last check for a pulse.

However, there was nothing, nothing at all.

Continuing to completely cover this, my body

Up to my chin,

To my lips that will never kiss again,

Still with a hint of rouge,

Over my nose, and...wait, they hesitate.

My eyes a frozen ocean blue are open wide

With a small glimmer of life inside.

"I've heard it said, 'A person's eyes are the windows into the soul',"

The one said to the other.

Tis true, my eyes a crystal blue still open

Still show the hurt in my heart and soul.

As the one begins to close my eyes,

My soul screams out,

No! Wait! leave me as I am, eyes open

So those who come in hypocrisy

To view this, my body,

Can see all they have done to me.

They can see in my soul all they have torn apart

And left for nothing, nothing at all.

O, but it is too late!

Though my soul cried out, it was only in vain.

No longer can anyone see my pain.

Just as my eyes were shut, I looked down on myself.

No more was my soul to inhabit this tortured body.

All hope for reconcile was lost

And my life was the cost

For their selfish happiness.

Or was I selfish to think I could live in their world,

Because I am nothing, was nothing at all?